8 Reasons Why Panama Sucks 5

So…a few weeks ago I outlined some things we expats take for granted, and a friend of mine here in Pedasi wanted a list of the good things. On that day, I struggled to find the good for the first time ever in my entire life. No, really, it’s true. That’s why I wrote the following Ocho List. But first, a word from this week’s sponsor:

Coronado Vacation Rentals


Coronado Vacation Rentals

Coronado Vacation Rentals: Goldilocks would love it here – Everything is JUUUST right!

8 Reasons to stay with Coronado Vacation Rentals:

8. Location – Within the gates of the Coronado Community
7. Hosts with the Most – on site spa services & car and bike rentals (reservations req’d)
6. Comfort – the apartment has everything you need!
5. The Goldilocks effect – Everything here is juuust right.
4. Beach – Usain Bolt can get to the beach in under 20 seconds from this property!
3. Price – From $75 a night in Coronado – Yes Please!
2. The Pool – Hello!
1. It’s totally tranquillo here dudes!

Big thanks to Coronado Vacation Rentals for their hospitality. Book your stay today before three bears beat you to it!

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah, so Goldilocks tried the next bed, and it was…oh wait, wrong story. I was getting to an Ocho list of why Panama sucks. Well, I’m sure others will disagree, but here goes…

8 Reasons Why Panama Sucks

#8. Kids on the streets

There are kids playing on the streets. WTF? Can’t they tell the street lights are on? Go home and…fear something. What are you doing outside anyway? Shouldn’t you be playing video games…or…fearing something?

#7. Traffic jams!

And speaking of streets…the cows cause time-wasting traffic jams. One time I had to wait like, almost a whole minute! That’s time I’ll never get back! I mean seriously, who let the cows out? Who? Who? Who?

^ Hugo Weaving – BORING! ^

#6. Panama is BORING

It’s soooo BORING here. Seriously, there’s absolutely nothing to do, unless you happen to like: surfing, body boarding, stand up paddle boarding, kite surfing, wind surfing, kayaking, snorkeling, scuba diving, long walks on the beach, short walks on the beach, saving turtle eggs, whale watching, fishing, hiking, cycling, zip-lining, learning a new language, learning about native cultures, visiting a canal, visiting the building of a new canal, riding quads, being warm, chilling in a hammock, cheap beer, swimming, cultural festival after cultural festival, horseback riding, bird watching, gambling at casinos, dancing, town fairs, hat weaving, basket weaving, Hugo Weaving…See what I mean, talk about B-O-R-I-N-G!

#5. Nothing but parties

It seems there’s something going on every weekend with music, fireworks, and people having a lot of fun. This is a 3rd world country, you’re supposed to be starving and have flies all over your face. Everyone here seems to be enjoying life though? How can you live without TV? And internet? And a car? And an x-box, and Air Jordans?

#4. Buenas

Everywhere I go, people keep saying “Buenas” to me… I get on the bus and it’s “Buenas”. I’m sitting at the Claro store and someone walks in and it’s “Buenas”. I’m waiting at the doctor’s office and I hear “Buenas”. Who is this Buenas character and why is s/he so popular?

#3. The Panama Canal

Oooooh, have you seen the Canal?  Pfft. Big deal. Nicaragua could build one of those!

#2. Terrible driving conditions

Driving in Panama is probably the worst in the world, and being someone who has driven in three countries, I think I would know, so just trust me on this one. And then there’s the pedestrians all over the roads, walking their kids in strollers, bicycles riding around everywhere, trucks selling fruits/veggies/seafood…I mean, are we supposed to actually pay attention while we drive? And where is all the road rage? Who do you give the finger to after you get cut off? Who? Who? Who?

Get it?

Get it?

#1. Panama blogs

Don’t you hate bloggers that talk about Panama, writing weekly sarcastic posts about what they’re experiencing while living in Panama? The nerve of them! How dare they try to provide info and/or entertain people.

This list was brought to you by the good ole makers of Sarcasm – the humor you understand when its too late.

Later Dudes!



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5 thoughts on “8 Reasons Why Panama Sucks

  • Fausto

    Yes the interior is paradise, if you are a forever-vacationer with nothing better to do than being at the beach all day long (who the f*** doesn’t like that???) and who doesn’t have to work for a family of four. Day-to-day life in the city dealing with Panamanians sucks balls. Plan to move to the city and get a job like a Panamanian then come back to me with the sarcastic ocho again.. Dude

    • paul

      Nobody told you to have those kids, bonehead. Now your life sucks. It’s your own fault. I won’t be thinking of you when I’m enjoying the weather on the west coast of Panama with my young Panamanian girlfriend.
      Sucks to be you, doesn’t it?

  • H5mind

    Panama is terrific, as long as you’re not keen on getting much work done. The people aren’t lazy, they simply have different priorities. I know. I live and work right here in the city. A 5 minute errand Stateside can easily become a multi-hour ideal here. That’s if you know what you’re doing. Otherwise, budget a few days.

    Like many Latin countries, they have a fascination with paperwork and bureaucracy. Get this stamped here, wait in line there, come back tomorrow because you missed something no one bothered to mention. Meanwhile, the .001% on the top of the heap have no requirement to follow such protocol; they pay and it happens.

    My bigger concern is if you are like 70% of the population with a spouse and kids, this plantation-style economy means living hand to mouth. Similar to feudalism, people rarely move up through the caste system. Fine for the hostel surfers, tough for the rest of us.

    The benefits are real, however. There is no effort to keep up with the Joneses. Organic food is plentiful and cheap at the farmer’s market. The Beaches and interior of the country are gorgeous. And scooters work great for slicing through traffic (but make sure your life insurance is up to date).

  • CJ

    This is the first blog I’ve ever read about Panama. I was laughing within the first few minutes. Yes, it is entertaining and I got a couple nuggets of information too! I had no idea rentals near the beach could be had for $75 bucks a night, nice! The question is are they safe and clean? My last rental in the islands had ants all over and a pizza box in the fridge, no pizza inside :(.
    My other question is about business services. I mean hey, how many businesses have the capital and are willing to pay for websites and social media services in Panama? I’m guessing real estate and tourism firms but that number is likely low with lots of competition driving down the price of services. What’s your experience dude?