Picture of Box of Wine

8 Things You Can Do Before You Move To Prepare Yourself For Living In Panama

So…I’m working on a side project with some side people and a side issue came up that made me write a side-note to do a side-blog (I have no idea what that is – really just made that side-blog thing up…I was just kind of going with a “side” based sentence theme thing-a-ma-jig). Anyway, I got to thinking…What could I have done at home to better prepare for living in Panama? And of course, my enormous brain came up with the idea for another Ocho list about…

8 Things You Can Do Before You Move To Prepare Yourself for Living In Panama

8. Buy Boxed Wine

Why? Hey, you’re moving here to save money right? Well, at $2.85 a litre for a box-o-been-o (vino/wine), that’s about as cheap as it gets! It makes good sangria and spritzers. As a friend said, it’s not wine…it’s Clos.

Picture of Box of Clos Wine

Box of wine? That’s not square at all!

7. Go to a Grocery Store at Home and Find the LONGEST Line, Stand In It…And Wait

Why? This will allow you to learn some patience and tolerance whilst standing in a line in Panama. It’s a different culture here with different methods. There’s no self-checkout, dudes. And if they want to chat with their coworkers about the latest episode of Real Housewives while half-ass-edly scanning your groceries, who cares. What do you have to do that’s so important you can’t practice your Spanish listening skills?

6. On the Hottest Day of the Year (in your country), at the Hottest Point of the Day, Run Around the Block Until You’re Nice and Sweaty, then just sit around in your Schweddy Clothes and (for guys) with your Schweddy…bolas.

Why? That’s how hot it gets sometimes living in Panama. And that’s what it will be like working outside (or inside without AC).

Picture of Schweddy Balls

Who doesn’t enjoy Schweddy Balls?

5. While driving, honk your horn at everyone and everything

Why? It’s what they do (as do MANY other countries around the world)

  • Passing a car? Beep Beep.
  • Going too slow? Beep Beep.
  • Bicycle up ahead? Beep Beep.
  • Machete juggling uni-cyclist? Beep Beep.

4. Go to the Humane Society and Adopt all the Dogs and Cats, Then Set Them Free

Why? Living in Panama, there are a lot of stray cats and dogs in the country. The city seems better than the interior; however, a lot of towns have volunteer projects and Spay/Neuter clinics to help. In fact, this past Monday the Animal Advocates of Pedasi helped get over 180 animals spayed and/or neutered (yes “and”, there may have been a couple hermaphrodite cats in there). I joke, but they really try their best here to help control the pet population, it just takes time…A whole lot of precious time…It’s gonna take patience and time…mm..mmm…to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it, to do it,To do it right child…I got my mind set on you, I got my mind…sorry, digressed a bit there…okay, digressed a lot.

Picture of Spayed kitten

photo courtesy Christine Small (Pequeña)…who also adopted this little cutie!

3. Make Appointments and Be Late For Them

Why? Mañana dude, mañana. Conversely, you could make an appointment and show up an hour early for it, then pretend you were there right on time and were forced to wait an hour longer.

2. Purchase a Stamp and Watch Someone Else Stamp Things in Front Of You

Why? It’s gotta be one of the most fun things to do in Panama because everywhere you go things seem to require stamping. Hardware store…three stampings for your bill. Customs…Definitely some stampings happening. Buying a car…Stampings await amigos! Stamping=endless fun (or future cases of carpel tunnel).

1. Pick a Fight With Someone in a Facebook Group

Why? Sadly, you’ll ask a question in a group, and sure enough someone will $#!T all over you for asking a such a “stupid question”. And some of those people aren’t even living in Panama! Okay seriously, don’t pick a fight with anyone. Have some respect for people, their differences, and their lack of knowledge or an opinion. Bottom line, don’t be a douche online…or in person…or on the phone…or via fax machine either. Just don’t be a douche.

Picture of Uncle Sam Wants You


This post was brought to you by the word “side”, and the color magenta.

Later Dudes.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *