So…you know what a man cold is, right? If you don’t, you should probably YouTube it. Easier yet, here’s a link. And if you’re too lazy to click a link or don’t want to waste your data and/or your precious Panamanian bandwidth, a man cold is a very,very,very horrible cold…caught only by men…all over the world. It lays us up. We can’t do a thing. NOTHING! We are utterly useless for at least 36 hours – Minimum. A man cold in Panama is like, 100x worse. Honest.
Man colds are treated with the following remedies: chicken soup, grilled cheese sandwiches, juices, a couch with blanket and comfortable pillow, continuous attention and doting, and any of the following movies:
- Star Wars (Sith, A New Hope or Empire, all others are pretty much $#!T – don’t even try arguing with me, I’ll shut you down like Dikembe Motumbo).
- The Shawshank Redemption
- Dumb and Dumber , Kingpin, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, American Pie, Old School or any other comedy that involves or contains:
b) getting drunk
d) All of the above
- Any mob movie starring either Di Nero, Liotta, Pacino, or Depp – Goodfellas, Casino, Donnie Brasco, Godfather (1 or 2 only, admitting to liking #3 and you lose your Man Card).
As you can see, man colds need to be taken quite seriously. Now, for all those men out there who have experienced a man cold, a man cold in Panama (Pana-man cold) is at least twice as bad. It lays you up for days. DAYS I tell ya!
Back in December I was laid up for a little over two days straight, about 60 hours. I couldn’t do a thing – believe me, I tried. I mustered up some energy to go to the beach twice – both times for only about 30-45 minutes and not in the sun…I know, life is VERY tough here. But both times I came home and was completely wiped. I could barely move. The heat zaps a lot of energy out of you, throw in a man-cold and there you have it, recipe for uselessness…Pana-man cold!
We’ve been here for just over four months and have just been through my second man cold in Panama. Whisky Tango Foxtrot? Back in Canada, I was usually good for one a year, like most people. I’ll admit, I haven’t been eating nearly as healthy as I did back in Canada, and I have been working out even less. After this latest Pana-man cold, well, it’s time for some, as David Bowie puts it…Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes!