So…I got to thinking about similarities between Panama-land and Canada-land and noticed both countries have a few things in common. Then I got all man-like and wanted to make a competition out of it, but I don’t want to leave the majority of my readers isolated, so I’ve decided to pit America against Canada against Panama in a two-part series I’ll call “A ridiculous battle of nonsensical things between three countries”.
Name of Country
Canada: Six letters…One vowel used three times.
Panama: Six letters…One vowel used three times.
That’s some pretty efficient naming right there. I think only Japan can top that efficiency! America? Not so much.
America uses 60% of vowels available – 100% if we refer to them as the United State of America, so they just “Go big or go home”. But here’s the kicker – America, aka The US, aka The States, aka The United States of America, aka USA, aka US of A, aka ‘Murica has several name variations. Canadians don’t say “Back in the provinces…”. And let’s face it Canadians, when they start chanting “U-S-A” at sporting events, monster truck events, concerts, fashion shows, etc. we’re really just a tad jealous we don’t have a similar crowd-pumping patriotic chant in Canada.
America’s independence was gained in 1776 over Britain with the help of France in the American Revolutionary War. Later, they were given a cool statue in New York as a gift to signify freedom…America returns the favor by renaming French Fries “Freedom Fries”.
After gaining independence from Spain in 1819 (alongside several other countries), Panama separated from Columbia in 1903 after the 1000 days war…a war that lasted 1000 days, mas or menos.
Canada gained independence from Britain in 1867 by simply asking politely.
Canada’s main exports: Comedians, Maple Syrup, Punk-ass Teenage pop-stars.
Panama’s main exports: Boats from the Panama Canal, New York Yankee closers, hats that are actually made in Ecuador and sold to tourists as “Panama Hats”.
America’s main exports: Porn, guns, Chuck Norris. Wait, America doesn’t export Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris exports America!
America: US Dollar that you can’t tell the difference between a $1 bill, a $20 bill or a $100 bill and there’s a vehement refusal to abandon the $1 bill for the $1 coin.
Panama: US Dollar and Panamanian Balboa. Wise use of a $1 coin…which is almost identical to the Canadian $2 coin…hmmm, double your money anyone?
Canada: Canadian Dollar. Colourful monopoly-like money with a $1 coin cleverly named the “Loonie” because of the loon that adorns the coin. Canada also has a $2 coin cleverly named the “Toonie”, because its value is $2. There’s also been talk of a $5 coin, my guess is that it gets called the “Moonie” because with so many fricken coins in our pockets our pants are going to be falling past our arses to our ankles! Canada has also abandoned the use of the penny – which makes a lot of…cents…get it? Cents/sense? See what I did there? Fricken genius I tell ya.
UPDATE: You can also do this with the Canadian $5 bill:
Well, after four grueling categories, Canada has taken a 2-1-1 lead. Stay tuned for Part II (don’t worry, it’ll be the last) of this epic nail-biting, fist-clenching, barn-burning, hyphenated word using battle where competition will feature: Food & Drink, Weather, and of course; Sports!