So…welcome back to round two of “A ridiculous point of view of three countries”. I’m sure the suspense has been killing you and you’ve had many sleepless nights wondering what the outcome will be. Currently, Canada holds a 2-1-1 lead over powerhouse America and underdog Panama with four more grueling competition categories to go. Who will come out on top? Read on to find out! And if you need to get up to speed on what’s happened so far, check out Part 1.
Land and Sea
All three countries border both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. All three countries have vast amounts of forest, rivers and/or lakes – some are just frozen or run dry more often than others. Getting inland is possible in Canada and America via the St. Lawrence Seaway, but only Canada and Panama are passable from one ocean to the next on water. Canada via the Northwest Passage, and Panama via this thing you may have heard of called the Panama Canal. I’m not a meteorologist, but I’m pretty sure I’d take my chances with the canal over the Northwest Passage.
In all fairness, America dominates all major sports (except hockey). So we’ll focus on what all three countries have in common: baseball and futbol.
Panama’s most famous baseball players include future Hall of Famer Mariano Rivera and Hall of Famer Rod Carew. Canada’s most popular ball players are Hall of Famer Ferguson Jenkins, MVP’s Larry Walker and Justin Morneau. America has WAY too many to even make this one close.
In futbol: Panama has not participated in a men’s World Cup, whereas Canada was part of the 1986 World Cup in Mexico and finished 24th…out of 24 teams…and didn’t even score a goal. So basically, neither Panama nor Canada has competed in a men’s World Cup of Soccer/Futbol. America has participated in many World cups but have yet to win, and in America if you don’t win then who gives a $#!T if you were there or not – am I right?
Winner: America (by goal differential)
One of the staples of the Panamanian diet are corn empenadas. One of the staples of the Canadian diet are flapjacks (pancakes). One of the staples of American diet is the hamburger…hmm…all 3 countries like disc-shaped food. Tough to beat a good hamburger though.
And when it comes to alcohol…
Panama likes beer…and seco (pretty much the last distillation of rum – this $#!T is nasty)
Canada likes strong beer…and rye (a form of whiskey)
America likes watered down versions of Canadian beer…and whiskey
Winner: Tie – America (food) and Canada (drink)
Panama: There are two seasons, rainy/wet season and dry season. Rainy season sees some sunny days and some rainy days. It really depends where you live as to how much you get. It is fairly damp and humid for roughly six months of the year. Dry season provides sunny days, little to no rain, nice breezes, and sometimes high winds that pelt sand and dust in your face and stick to you like glitter.
Canada: Enjoys all four seasons, however, there’s really only two: winter and highway construction season.
America: Uggh, Tornados, Ice storms, Snowstorms, Severe thunderstorms, Earthquakes (okay, not really weather), Hurricanes, more Tornados, floods, mudslides, landslides, slip-n-slides!!!
Winner: Panama by a landslide
Well there you have it. After a grueling battle of nothing but truthful facts, statistical figures and totally inarguable supporting evidence, it appears we have a 3-3-3 tie…bet you didn’t see that coming!
In all seriousness (as serious as I can get anyway), we all have a love for our home countries, and all of our home countries have differences (and similarities) which is what we love a-boot them. See what I did there? Differences? About / A-boot? Fricken genius. Anyway, no country is better than the other, it’s all a matter of point of view.